Over the last couple of months, my small women’s group and I have slowly digested the first four chapters of “A New Earth” (Eckhart Tolle’s Oprah hit). We’re doing less than 20 pages per week.
Reading this text at this time in my life feels just right. I can’t think of any giant Ah-Ha!’s that are coming up. Instead, I’m enjoying finding a new clear framework, a language, a way to hold onto ideas that have been true for me for a while now.
The more I have small (really tiny, fleeting) moments of “conscious Presence”, the more I see my ego finding new ways to act out. For instance, a couple weeks ago, I was wandering to the water cooler at work, when all of a sudden I thought, “What will I write about if I quiet my ego?”
I mean, I don’t know how often I actually whip it out here at the blog – but I enjoy writing a good snarky, opinionated rif that mocks. It doesn’t matter who I’m mocking, mocking’s fun. It’s entertaining. And being entertaining earns people money. And I’d be lying if I said I never fantasized about earning money from writing.
But it’s more than that. Even when I’m not flashing my witticisms – the truth is that when I write, I’m having thoughts, and I’m believing those thoughts. When I’m writing, I’m taking the drama of the world seriously. This is really contrary to the “seeing” that takes place when I’m experiencing “conscious Presence”.
I could just go round and round (again) recapitulating the question, “What will I write about if I quiet my ego?” Rationalizing it. Considering the importance of it. Validating it. But all of that is the stuff of thoughts. . . ego . . . a waste of the present.
Perhaps I need to try getting Present and putting my fingers on the key board and seeing what happens then.