More Near Tweets

Title

It’s time for another edition of thoughts I didn’t tweet.

I realized at 4:58pm that I had not inhaled fully all day. So I stopped to breathe.

Someday all of the customer service people abroad are going to come over here and seek revenge for our habitual verbal abuse.

I asked for all white meat. I got all dark meat. It’s a sign that I should have gone with no meat.

I hate it when my text typos turn “Love you” into “Love toy.”

In a pinch, a powered down iPad makes a functioning mirror.

Self talk at the airport Chili’s: “breakfast potatoes” are square french fries.  No french fries for breakfast!

Me: My phone’s currently unable to access Twitter, FB or Pinterst. Do u understand? / Andy: Yeah, you’re like Helen Keller of the Internet.

Me: He’s a white male, right? / Andy: They’re all white males. / Me: You guys are freaks.

Does anyone know why they’re phasing out Crest in the stand up containers?

I’m about ready to have peppermint cookie dough and egg nog for dinner.

My stomach hurts.

I seem to have misplaced my purpose in life. Purpose, oh purpose, where are you?

3 thoughts on “More Near Tweets

    1. Dad, this comment made me and Andy both laugh out loud. Thank you.


      p.s., To everyone else out there, OMG, my dad reads this blog!

  1. Number 7 was hilarious.

    And if one could ‘like’ comments here, I would :P That was my exact same reaction when I saw my dad reading my blog one day. Actually I was pretty freaked out.

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